DOUBT LOOK: Sologamy: Living alone is celebrating alone

Sologamy: Living alone is celebrating alone

Some people take this decision out of fear of the patriarchal society, some from the shock of personal life.

Many women in this country are in favor of living alone.

Everyone turns to look at the girl in her thirties sitting alone in the restaurant. Does anyone come to eat alone on holidays? Maybe the girl came alone in some urgent situation. Or he really wanted to eat good food, so he didn't care about being cheated or anything... we sit as 'judges' without thinking. Ask the question, who gave the pictures of the girl who went on a solo trip?

Is there anything objectionable about living alone, celebrating alone?

Sologamy is a step ahead. Where someone marries himself. Make a promise to yourself. He fulfilled that promise by performing the ceremony. Carrie Bradshaw, the character played by Sarah Jessica Parker in the popular TV series 'Sex and the City', has announced that she will marry herself. Is there nothing to celebrate in the lives of single girls, she argues? The fact that she is not regretting marrying the wrong person also needs to be celebrated. Who said that you have to choose a partner to enjoy the wedding dress, food, luxury? Carrie Bradshaw was the subject of this dialogue in 2003. Two decades on, sologamy is no longer frowned upon abroad. But in this country we are still shocked by such decisions. So when Gujarat's Kshama Bindu announced her decision to have sologamy, there was a storm of condemnation. A girl living alone on her own terms, living happily... somewhere stops us from accepting it. If someone decides to marry himself on that, then it will become a book. Kshama Bindu is the first Indian woman to opt for sologamy. Mehendi, Sangeet, Satpake Ghora, wearing sindoor... Kshama did not leave out any treatment.

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Psychiatrist Jayaranjan Ram says, “We have a stereotypical idea that being alone means that one is in trouble. If not married, without a partner, the woman or man is considered to be no good. Many people are in trouble even if they have a partner. According to a study by a reputed organization, married women in India are the most likely to commit suicide, with an average age of 35.

As of 2022, the concept of marriage has changed a lot. Girls are living their own life by overcoming family and social pressure. Now most urban girls are economically independent. It gave them extra confidence. Dr. Jayaranjan Ram emphasized three points. One, getting married or having a partner does not mean salvation in life. Two, one may have multiple friends with whom one is in a romantic relationship. And not feeling the urge to recognize the marriage. Three, not having a partner means he is lonely, which is also a misconception. Alone people can be self-sufficient. Dr. According to Ram, “Sologamy is a symbolic message. Where the girl wants to say, I married myself, this time you stay away. Family-social pressure is more in case of unmarried girls. Boys also have pressure, but less. It is a good sign that educated urban girls have been able to defy that pressure. In a patriarchal society like Gujarat, the girl's decision is a very brave step.

Marriage used to be the only avenue for romantic or sexual relationships. That perception has changed. The social sphere of people has changed. Counseling psychologist Jasobanti Srimani says, "Companionship is no longer tied to marriage." In the present reality people are living alone and living well. Socializing in your own way. All have different social circles. Some spend time in old age homes, children's homes. Someone go for a walk. Some are enjoying their time in various social media groups. There are friends, relatives.

Not only the Kshama Bindu of Gujarat, Kanishka Soni, the well-known face of Hindi serials, recently opted for sologamy. The actress shared the news on social media. Kshama or Kanishka gave the message, they can be self-sufficient on their own. Even if they did not choose the path of sologamy, many women are now living alone. Their economic self-reliance is a big reason behind that decision. Being independent gives you extra confidence.

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But can living alone for a long time ever cause depression? Psychiatrist Jayaranjan Ram raised the counter question, does depression not consume anyone from the married and the family? “Being alone has nothing to do with depression. In fact, we assume that someone who is alone means that he is bad," he commented. Jasobanti Shrimani is saying the same thing. When someone chooses to live alone, it can be assumed that he is living well. It is his decision how one will take his life forward. According to many, a form of narcissism is sologamy. Excessive self-indulgence is good? “We will emphasize on being well. If someone is a narcissist, there is nothing to give much importance to it,'' said Ms. Jasobanti Srimani.

There is no legal recognition of sologamy in our country.

It may also happen that in the future someone wants to change their decision to be alone. With time, the situation, the outlook on life, everything changes. Dr. from his professional experience. Ram used to say, “There are cases where someone is not married before, and later feels that it would have been better to have a partner. What we think about life in our twenties can change in our forties. Regression may come